Job loss is a traumatic event. Reactions range from shock and anger to disbelief. For some, “I didn’t see it coming” is a common complaint and it always surprises me this is the case. What it really tells me is the surprised individual was sadly lacking in self-awareness or how others perceived his or her performance. Greater awareness would have meant he or she would have seen the termination coming and either modified their behaviour or prepared themselves for the inevitable shock of dismissal.

There is no excuse for not having “seen it coming.” Having clarity about who you are and what impact you have on those around you are two prerequisites for success in any position. Making wise decisions and choices is about understanding yourself, what you want and why you want what you want. Understanding yourself and your own motivation helps understand others, the people who work for you or around you.

If you are concerned you are not as aware of just how you are perceived by others as you might be, you need to examine two things, your career and your personal ability to receive feedback on your behaviour.

When you think about your career, you might want to start with thinking about the things you enjoyed as a child. Did you like to draw, to build things, to explore the world around you? Did you like sports, writing or solving puzzles, playing house, talking to others or organizing games and plays? Those were fun times - little stress and lots of joy.

Now, think about the things you do today and ask yourself if what you do has any similar qualities to the things you enjoyed as a child? Ask yourself about the times you really got a kick out of work. What was present in those situations? What is missing in the job you are doing now?

Unhappy people, people dissatisfied with their career, convey that unhappiness to others. It is not something that one can hide and it tells others that you are not giving your best effort to the job. So examine your career carefully. Look for the good things that have happened to you and try to understand how they occurred and how you can duplicate more of the satisfying experiences.

There is an old saying that “feedback is the breakfast of champions.” Think about how much or how little feedback you get, and the impact of your management style on others. If you tend to be gruff and demanding, or a poor listener, you will get little honest feedback from your employees or your peers. Instead you will cause people to avoid giving you feedback out of fear of retribution.

Over time, you will receive less and less feedback from those around you, the people who could be of help to you. At some point, someone is going to decide the negative behaviour or the behaviour that is unproductive has got to stop. You may even be counselled about how to improve. However, if you really are a poor listener, you will have a tendency to blame the conveyer of this news thus blocking out any positive benefits from the feedback.

To avoid this dilemma, try to be open about receiving feedback. People do not naturally tell you how they feel about you, so you have to ask them to be honest with you. You will not get honest feedback unless you build trust in those from whom you are soliciting feedback. You might ask your team for anonymous feedback on the things you do well in their opinion, and the things they think you need to improve. You might do the same with a trusted colleague. Take the information in and think about it. Make some decisions as to how you might behave differently in the future.

The benefits from examining your career and your ability to receive constructive feedback are many. You will be a better performer. You will have a more positive impact on others, and you will never again be caught unprepared for what comes your way.

David Bratton is a Certified Management Consultant and president of Bratton Consulting Inc. in London. He also represents Drake Beam Morin (DBM), one of Canada’s largest career counselling and outplacement firms. He can be contacted at (519) 679-2774 or by email: dbratton@brattonconsulting.com.

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